Mistakes You Can't Take Back
by Winter Ashby
Summary: It was just a simple mistake, that changed his life forever. [Ed & Riza] Post Movie Timeline, with a little AU twist.


**Title**: Mistakes You Can't Take Back  
**Author**: Winter Ashby (_rosweldrmr_)  
**Disclaimer**: Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa-sama, not me!  
**Warnings**: a little on the um, tragic side. Sorry.  
**Summary**: It was just a simple mistake, that changed his life forever. (Ed & Riza)  
**Author's Notes**: This was a challenge extended by the great Malicious-Ninja. I know it's a little late, but at least I got it done. So the challenge was Ed & Riza, rated T, and had to have the words...Government Issue pistol, boxers, & Goat Weed. The words are bolded, and I tried my best to keep it plausable, and still fulfill the challenge.

* * *

Ed stood, catatonic, and devastatingly fixated at the blood that covered his hands. He didn't notice the woman at his side or her hand on his shoulder. He didn't hear her gentle voice whisper something into his ear. All he knew in the world was that blood on his hands. It stained his clothes, and skin, and soul. And he was sure then, he'd never be free of this blood. 

"Ed." Riza was unaccustomed to speaking so softly. But she looked at the man who stood like a statue of heartbreaking grief covered in blood that wasn't his. And even though he'd grown tall, and handsome in the years that passed, he was still the same compassionate, fiercely protective older brother. And now, he was no longer an older brother, because the body at his feet and the blood on his hands was Al's.

Riza's heart ached just knowing what kind of pain he felt. She gripped the **Government Issue pistol **in its holster at her side. She'd served in this military for years, even after Mustang left. But in his absence from Central and abstinence from alchemy – he died of pneumonia. So she knew of pain, and yet could still not comprehend what was going on inside Ed's mind.

So she placed her hand on his shoulder, leaned in past his brilliant yellow hair, and spoke into his ear. "Ed, there was nothing you could do." He didn't move, and she was vague aware that he probably hadn't even heard her. So she wrapped her arms around his chest from behind and listened to his heartbeat through his back.

Ed could feel something constricting him, there was something drawing his attention away from the blood. He didn't want to feel the warm body pressed against his back, or the comfort of a womanly sent in the air. He wanted to see the blood on his hands and the body at his feet. Because it was his inadequacies were to blame for this.

They had been through so much together, and to have it all end like this… it was unbelievable. And he hated it, because there was no one to blame, no one to seek revenge upon, and no one to stain the streets with their blood in retribution. He knew that Al had chosen this life, and there was nothing he could have done.

He had just turned eighteen a few months ago, and proclaimed he was now a man. But Ed knew he was still a child at heart, who'd lived an extra five years. Ed sacrificed himself once to bring him back, and lost all the years they had together. But once the gate was opened, Ed knew that this is where he belonged. So Al sent a suit of armor through the gate to close it from the other side.

But all that, everything he'd done to protect him was for nothing. Al chose to become a police officer, and it was a bullet shot accidentally from the barrel of a 12 year old boy's father's gun that ended his life. It was a mistake that would now define the rest of his lonely life. So he wept into his twenty-four-year-old hands like the world was coming to an end, because for him – it already had.

Riza could offer him nothing more than her arms and aching heart. Al was older that he seemed, but still too young to die like this. So she let him cry into his hands, and stroked his hair. The blood on his hands soaked through her uniform. But she was strong, so she bit her quivering lip between her teeth and refused to cry.

Time slipped past them in the dank alley. Al's body was taken away in the night, and she held Ed back as the black hearse drove his life away. She took him home, and undressed him, because the blood was beginning to dry and cake. She washed his military uniform, and gave him soup that chilled in the early morning.

He sat in his **boxers** and watched the thin film form on the soup, and wept because he couldn't make his heart stop aching. His clothes spun in the drier, and she sat silently in the presence of his grief. Still he mourned, because the night had just passed, and he would still have a lifetime of grief left to wallow in.

She stood at the buzz to retrieve his clothes, but his hand on her wrist stopped her movement, and she tentatively looked down into his watery eyes. She imagined him as a boy, when she'd first met him. But all she could see was his strong face and haunted eyes. So she said nothing, but removed her jacket and draped it over his shoulders.

"He loved Winry." Ed spoke in a soft and rugged voice that was tart on his own lips. He reviled speaking, but continued to spite himself. "He was going to ask her to marry him." Riza sat and listened to his words and let her heart break, again.

"I always thought…"

"No, I never felt that way about Winry. She was always more like a sister." His automail was cold as it held her wrist, and she turned in his grip until he released her. But she didn't move away, she scooted closer and watched his face sink in the rising sun.

"I loved Roy." She was quiet in her confession, and was prepared for his lack of surprise. "I suppose you already know that though." He nodded silently, and she imagined that someday, he wouldn't look so hurt anymore. But that was too far away still.

"I knew." She leaned in and put her arm over his slummed shoulders, and he could feel her warmth seeping into his automail. It's been so long since he'd been touched like this, he could stop himself from leaning in and resting his head on her chest.

There was a clink on metal on metal and he looked up to find a small, spherical pendant hanging from a chain around her neck. It hit his metal shoulder, but she only smiled a sad, small smile. She touched the ball with her forefinger and thumb and tilted her head to look him in the eyes.

"**Goat Weed**." She smiled even wider and held it up for him to smell. "My mother gave it to me when I left for the military. Every month I fill it with a different herb." He gave his own version of the sad, small smile and looked away from her.

"Can I stay here for a while?" She couldn't deny him, so she just nodded and stroked his hair.


End file.
